THE SWEET GIRLS GUIDE

...To Getting Her Man

How to be Precious in his Eyes

Phone Calls

Do Not: Call him. Ever. I'm serious. If he want's to talk he'll call you. There are no exceptions.

Do Not: Leave lovey dovey messages or ask him to return your calls.

Do Not: Ask why he didn't call sooner, or why he didn't call.

Do Not: Let him end a conversation first. End calls in 15 minutes.

Do: Accept his calls but ONLY every other day.

Do: If he askes why you don't call tell him "I was busy" "I forgot" or "I was just about to call you when you called me."

Do: Let it go to voice mail sometimes, and let him wonder why you weren't home to answer.

Dating
Do Not: Rush to see him the moment he beckons.
Do Not: Tell him you can see him anytime
Do Not: Drive to see him or agree to meet him halfway
Do Not: Meet him for late night booty call.
Do not: Let him know your entire schedule. He's not the center of your world.

*The first time you ever go to see your boyfriend, should be the day you walk down the aisle to meet him at the alter.

Do: Only accept a date if he's planned ahead of time.
Do: See him one week day, and one weekend day. Never both days of the weekend. Never more than twice a week.
Do: Let him go out of his way to come get you.
Do: Have some self respect.
Do: Have a private life that doesn't include him. Let your schedule remain a mystery.

*For safety, on the first few dates meet him public place near your home. He must drive to your part of town.

Conversation
Do Not: Ask where the relationship going, or mention "Commitment."
Do Not: Bring up marriage, children or babies.
Do Not: Leap to say "yes," when he asks to be exclusive.
Do Not: Appear to be too eager.

Do: Be evasive when he brings up the subject of commitment.
Do: Say you haven't given marriage or children much thought.
Do: Say you're "not sure" about seeing him exclusively.
Do: Let him work to convince you that you should.

Cooking
For God's sake, don't go out of your way to cook him a special meal. He'll think you're setting the trap for marriage. You're trying to show off what a good wife you will be. It's about the same as telling him how good you are with kids. This often ends in disaster. I have heard may tales where the man will pick a big fight at the table then make an excuse to leave.

Letters Cards and Gifts
Never: Buy him gifts "just to show you're thinking of him."
Never: Give him romantic cards or love notes.
Never: Send long letters about your "feelings" or the relationship.

Do: Buy him gifts only on his birthday and the holidays.
Do: keep all correspondence brief and non-mushy.
Do: Enjoy all the romantic gifts and letters you'll get from him

“But he says he likes it when I do those things!”

If he really likes those things as much as he claims then you'd see it reflected in his behavior. But his behavior tells another story, doesn't it?

When you start pulling away he will start asking for you to return your attentions to him. "Why don't you call me anymore?" or "I miss your e-mails." Good!!! THAT MEANS IT'S WORKING.

You must learn not to do things just because a man says he likes them. I'm sure he'd like it if you slept with him on the first date too, but that doesn't mean you'd ever see him again.

Give him too much attention and he'll pull away. Give him the full amount of attention he wants and he'll get comfortable, put his feet up, and get lazy. Give him less attention than what he asks for, and he'll keep coming toward you.

Keep him a little bit hungry.

Haven't you ever heard the saying "He won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?" Why do you expect him to work for your attention when you're already giving him all he wants? He has no motivation.

In under a week he will return to "courting behavior." Compliments, gifts, and attention.

Many women do the techniques only until they see results. They think he has "changed," so they go back right back to what they were doing before. DO NOT BE FOOLED. The result is he will also go right back to what he was doing before... using you and taking you for granted.

Don't fall for this:

In "Why men marry bitches," one man said if he has a good read on what you want it's like giving him the manual on how to manipulate you. "All he has to do is tell you what you want to hear and it'll take a couple years before you figure it out."

If you tell a man "up front" you're looking for a serious commitment, or marriage, or a life together he will feel he had the upper hand and start throwing you RELATIONSHIP FRISBEES. Will she jump? How high?

He will come up with a list of things you must change in order to please him. Can I get her to fetch? Beg? Roll over? Play dead?

Examples of Relationship Frisbees:

*You have to cook his favorite meals
*You have to clean the place spotless
*You have to perform sex acts on demand
*You have to look or dress a certain way

Guess What? The more of these chores you accomplish the further it will take you away from your goal.

Why give you the prize when he can keep milking it for all it's worth?

Not even if you are his wife. I've seen many married women jumping to catch the relationsip frisbee to please a cranky, grouchy husband. He loses respect and soon she is divorced.

Tell him your hopes and dreams and he is likely to dangle it in front of you like a carrot.

Men admit to talking of marriage "someday," and talking about a future life together, with a home and children, to further lead you on.

Point blank: They know they can get more out of you that way.

After providing many years of good love, devotion and understanding in order to "prove" what a good wife you will be, you will eventually get sick of it and leave.

No man ever married a woman because she proved how much she deserved it.

Who is he to decide if you're good enough? He should be the one proving he's good enough!

You will feel used. He will simply find the next girl he can take advantage of. He probably thinks it's time for a new girlfriend anyway.

Exclusivity, Sexclusivity, Schmekclusivity

Engagement IS exclusivity.

Do you want a LTR or a marriage? Geting into a long term rlsp is easy; but most of those don't end in marriage.

It is common place for a woman to give up on her endless go-nowhere LTR with a man; only to find that same mans wedding announcment in the newspaper six months later. What happened to all his commitment issues, trust issues, childhood issues?

Women see exclusivity as an important step forward in the relationship, when in reality it's a step back, or @ the very least standing still. You are not getting closer to marriage - you are getting further away.

Exclusivity is a total screw over for the woman.

When you close off into an exclusive relationship with a man he gets all the benefits of marriage with none of the responsibility. He starts to think , "Why spoil a good thing by marriage???" He's got sex on tap and zero competition. He has no motivation to marry you.

"Can I be your boyfriend" = "Can we have sex now?"

Don't get too romantic, he has a goal in mind. For him, that is sex. For you, that is marriage. It's not a fair deal. He's enjoying the comfort of sex and security, while the woman twists in the wind wondering when or if he's ever going to pop the question.

When he asks to be exclusive tell him you will "think about it" and "need time." Don't do it, not even if you've slipped up and slept with him a couple times. Because you've had sex does not make the world revolve around him. God help you if he gets that impression.

Many times you see the man asking to be the woman's "exclusive boyfriend," at first, only for him to pull back later and decide the relationship is "friends with benefits." This of course is crushing to the girls self esteem. He has her at a great disadvantage.

She is already hooked, and bonded to him, and had hopes for a future marriage - so she almost always agrees, and lets the degrading "f*** buddy" relationship continue for so long as she can stand the pain.

She hopes he will change his mind, and realize he loves her, and propose marriage - but he never does. They usually pull back and "need space;" exclusivity and hints of future plans are quickly dropped.

How hard is it for a guy to say, after a few months of dating that he will only sleep with one woman? (With no idea at all for how long.) Wow, BIG sacrifice! Big deal. What exactly is he giving up? That for couple months, he can only sleep with one woman?

In Helen Fisher's book "Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love" she demonstrates that men propose to end the psychic and emotional pain of wanting something very badly, and not quite knowing if it is theirs or not. They propose ONLY to ease, to end, their own suffering!

She offers this ancient love poem as an example: "Fires run though my body - the pain of loving you. Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you. Sickness wanders my body with my love for you. Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you. Consumed by fire with my love for you...Pain and more Pain."

Men do not think of marriage when they are happy and secure. That's female thinking! Men propose marriage as a last resort, Or in order to possess a woman who will not otherwise be possessed. It's their ace in the hole, and they wait to play it until they have no other choice.

The scientific reasoning is that women get Oxytocin addiction, while meanwhile his Vasopressin has no other males to fight off, because he is the only one we are dating. He needs to fear the machinations of other men. It is a 'cool and aloof' attitude on the part of the woman that CAUSES him to WANT and DEVELOP that closeness. It's almost impossible to maintain that attitude with exclusivity. There is much to lose and little to be gained.

Do not worry he will be discouraged when you deny him exclusivity. Don't make an important personal choice from a place of FEAR. No, he's just going to up his offer from "Lets be Exclusive" to "Lets get Married."

If he proposes faster than you're ready to accept, you can take as long as you want to decide if you want to say yes. (Or if you want to say yes @ all.) Men have been known to wait around for YEARS so long as there's a spark of hope. Hope and despair are the lynch pins of desire.

It is better for the woman's self esteem to have the man begging to marry her right away, than to go exclusive and have him drag his feet. That way, the timing is all up to her.

Oh imagine, poor you, all these men proposing marriage and you're just not ready yet. Boo hoo hoo. How many women would kill for such problems? Think of the alternative- the dreaded "intentions talk:"

Can you picture Snow White sitting Prince Charming down on a rock while his horse grazes and saying, 'Now look here, Prince. I can't wait around forever. Do you want to marry me or what?'

Not very romantic is it?

Here is a success story of a woman who learned the hard way:

"I wanted to share here that I think no exclusivity until marriage is really the smartest choice I ever made.

In 2005 I disregarged some wise advice from the Joy Rose/Cool Jewel thread not to [have sex] and *not* to be exclusive. I broke both of those guidelines got my heart broken. So in January 2006 I resolved firmly not to be exclusive with any one suitor, no matter how "secure" I felt. Lo and behold, I was married by the end of the year!

It's amazing what a different it made. It also allowed me to end not-quite-right sating situations without undo pain, and to remain clear-headed (or more clear-headed, I should say) that if I'd been sexually and/or emotionally entangled with exclusivity and/or physical intimacy.

Those who are interested in getting married might find this quote from him interesting. Now that we're married, he says "I finally realized that it was going to take a dirty knee and a sparkly to take things to another level. So that's what I did, I ran out and bought a sparkly and got down on both knees!"