THE SWEET GIRLS GUIDE

...To Getting Her Man

Get off the Hamster Wheel

Is This Cycle Familiar?
He ignores your needs
You ask him to change
He promises to change but doesn't
You get tired of it leave
He finally changes so you come back
He goes back to his old ways
Repeat

It starts when you try to give the guy a "fair chance" to correct the problem.

No matter what you say he doesn't believe there's a problem. The only problem he sees is that you complain.

You start with talking, and when that doesn't work, you go to begging, then to crying, then to threats. Finally you make good on those threats and leave, because the situation is intolerable.

He saw the "fair chance" you offered him as nagging or criticizing. So long as he's getting his way, he thinks the relationship is fine. Unless it's a problem for *him,* there is no problem.

From the Lili Files:

Having that talk says- to men - "You treated me badly and I am SO interested in you. I want to engage with you. Give me more of your time and attention by listening to this talk."

"You only think you are communicating a message of pride by "standing up for yourself," and telling him you won't accept his behavior, when in truth you are communicating low self esteem.

Men hear, "I'm treating her second rate, and she is really, really, into me. She must be desperate." They don't hear the message of pride that the woman - and only the woman - hears, and thinks she is conveying."

A girl with high self esteem would simply stop being interested. Instead, you're putting in a lot of time, sitting around thinking of what to say, and how to present your complaint.

Instead, you should be acting superior to him, so that he is convinced you are the highest prestige woman he could possibly find, and that with you at his side, he has climbed as far up the social ladder he can go.

Ever notice that men appear to be baffled when you finally leave, even though you gave him plenty of warning?

Actual quote from a mens Divorce Web site:
"There were no real discussions of how unhappy she was and that she may leave, just complaining and nagging."

Talking about it sends a mixed message. By "explaining" things to him, you are asking for better treatment. This tells him you are willing to hang in there and fight for the relationship, even though you are unhappy.

She's unhappy + She still wants me = She's desperate

The way he sees it, if he didn't have the upper hand, you wouldn't be having the conversation.

Explaining to him why he needs to fix his behavior is the same as getting down on your knees and begging.

You only think you are sounding tough and strong but in reality it just sounds weak and pathetic.

A "prize" girl who places high value on herself would not bother with the effort of a big speech, or a dramatic showdown. She would just disappear. She knows she could do better.

Never have a relationship talk about your feelings of how hurt or humiliated you are, or he will think you're a loser.

He will respond with something that amounts to "I'm not treating you like crap; you just think I am."

You may ask yourself these Questions: Does he know any better? Does he realize? Does he understand?

Oh yes, men are quite aware of the difference between the way they would treat their "dream girl" and the way they are treating you.

Instead of confronting him, show all signs of being very bored and disinterested. Anger shows you care. Stop returning calls or e-mails, and be busy when he wants to see you.

Talking it out has little effect. He makes promises of better treatment and then goes right back to his old ways.

The more you try to force him to behave a certain way, the more he digs in his heels. Every man carries with him the memory of being a small boy and having to obey his mother. They never get over this, and resent being told what to do by a woman.

Eventually you get smart and stop going back. But after a while you find yourself locked in the same cycle with another man. Same old crap, different day.

Act like a showpiece and it will convince him you are one.

Instead of going to him and telling him what to fix and begging him to fix it, isn't it much nicer when he comes to you, begging for you to tell him what is wrong and asking you how he can fix it?

Next section you will find the "do's" and "don'ts."

The Obstacle

Everyone has that girlfriend who won't leave her bad relationship, because she remembers the way he "used to be." He was romantic back then, so she knows he's got it in him. She just can't figure out why he changed or how to change him back.

Lucky for you I hold the magic key: He changed, because you changed.

To get him to back to the way used to treat you, you must go back to the way you used to treat him. Those of us who keep journals or love letters will have a real advantage. Go back and read. He treated you like a goddess when you barely gave him the time of day. It was after you started showing him you cared, with words and actions, that he took you down off the pedestal.

Men are reactionary. He is only following your lead.

He wants things of high value. The good news is you get to write your own price tag. But first, you must quit marking yourself down to discount rate.

By your behavior, you gave him the message that you weren't valuable. In the next section "Be Valuable" you'll see how to correct that.

Many girls start feeling guilty when a man treats them well.

1) They talk him out of doing favors. "You don't have to."
2) They talk him out of buying gifts. "It's too expensive."
3) They feel they have to repay him. "I want us to be 50/50."

As women, we don't want to be too much trouble. When we care about a man, we don't want to put too much of a strain on him or his pocket book.

But you stray onto dangerous territory when you continually turn down gifts and favors from a man. Soon these offers stop coming, and you notice he no longer looks at you like you're a princess.

Women are confused by this. "How can he treat me so badly, when I do so much for him and ask so little in return?"

The answer is in the question. He treats you so badly not despite the fact you give without taking but because of it. He thinks you're low maintenance because you are not worthy.

What you say: "I don't want to be any trouble."
What he hears: "I don't deserve it."

You don't put an expensive paint job and rims on a crappy car. You only put that on a nice car. By turning down the paint jobs and the fancy rims you're telling him: "I'm not a nice car, I'm a crappy car. That stuff is too good for me."

He does not want an inexpensive, low maintenance, woman hanging on his arm anymore than he wants to drive a piece of junk down the road.

Not to be sexually graphic, but you don't want a man to treat you like a "cheap ride."