THE SWEET GIRLS GUIDE

...To Getting Her Man

HOW TO ACT AFTER SEX

I'm going to talk to you like an adult. It's not how soon you have sex with the guy that causes him to dump you. It's how desperate you act afterward.

So long as you waited a few months, it doesn't matter. Your mother lied. Being a virgin will NOT win a mans respect. He respects you for your spine, more than any other body part.

I have yet to see a single example of a virgin who was treated with "great respect." Matter of fact, most of the women I interviewed were cheated on and then dumped by the same man that took their virginity.

This includes the women who waited for marriage...And for a further slap-in-the-face, the girl he usually ends up leaving her for, is no virgin! (Ha! Far from it.)

Besides, it's certainly an interesting self-esteem issue if self-worth is calculated by which physical parts are still intact or by how many men have gained access.

Let's say you've been dating a guy for a few months:

If you believe he's going to dump you immediatly after sex, the moment you both roll over, you start to panic. The wheels in your mind start to turn. You imagine the worst. You start hearing moms voice "He won't buy the cow!" So, you pester him for reassurance.

You ask him where the relationship stands. You try to pressure him for promises and commitments. You try to be cute, sweet, and pleasing in every way.

He sees this as clingy, needy and desperate. He runs for the door. You end up causing the very thing you were trying to prevent. So long as you don't panic, he won't.

[*Note: If you do not think you can remain detached, then you should consider waiting until marriage to have sex. See below]

Here is the root of the problem:

After sex his ego expands. He has scored, and is doing his victory dance. He fully expects you will come running after him...just like all the other women did.

So he pulls away, and ignores you. He thinks sex has given him all the power. Don't bow down and kiss his foot! Instead, shake up his ego. Dethrone him.

Author and dating expert Sherry Argov videotaped interviews in which she asked men "How would you react, if a woman was pleasant, but treated you no differently after sex than she did before?" They stammered, and turned white. One man even said "That would turn my world upside down." They all admitted it would freak them out.

Never be the first one to contact a man after sex. Trust me. It will blow his mind.

Observe the same phenomenon in Nature:

In "The Mating Game" Lyndon McGill wanted to know how people fell in love. So, he confides, he decided "to take a field trip to a farm and observe the animals." He was soon witnessing the copulation of a cow and a bull.

"Coupling continued for a few minutes," he reports, "and then, without warning, the cow suddenly pulled away and ran to the opposite side of the corral ... I recalled how our family dog had behaved similarly."

McGill's conclusion? To keep a man's interest, a woman must rise abruptly after sex and leave the room, the city, or even the country. It rekindles the man's desire. As McGill explains with a flourish, it's "just like taking a bone away from a dog."

Do not call. Do not email or respond to emails. Do not go looking for him. If you see him in public, act like you're trying to hide.

He will seek you out, and in a very serious tone, tell you he wants to have a "talk" about "where the relationship is going." When he askes "Why have you been avoiding me." Respond thusly: "Me? *blinkity-blink* I haven't been avoiding you. I don't know what you mean.

Deny, deny, deny. This way, he can make up what ever excuse suits him best.

WHY FLATTERY BACKFIRES: I found this on a mens dating advice website:

"Have you ever had a woman you were intimate with, either once or on a regular basis, LOSE INTEREST... and maybe even start seeing SOMEONE ELSE? I'm going to bet you that at least PART of the reason it happened is because you didn't know how to "rock her world". Sure... there may have been some other reasons why she lost interest... but, here's the thing: When a woman is with a man who REALLY satisfies her sexually, there is almost NOTHING he can do to get rid of her... even if he wants to. In other words, if the sex was good, she wouldn't be going ANYWHERE. A man who is good in bed is almost IMPOSSIBLE to find... and women know it. So, when they find one of these guys, they are willing to put up with a lot of "mistakes" to keep him around."

See? This is why you can't please his ego after sex. He will think you're "Willing to put up with a lot of mistakes...just to keep him around!"

IF YOU FLATTER A MANS SEXUAL SKILL, HE WILL THINK HE CAN TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP, AND YOU'LL STILL COME BACK FOR THE SEX.

Here are some phrases you might want to use instead:

"It was okay."
"It wasn't bad."
"It will take time before we learn how to really please each other in bed."
"The sex will get better once we grow to know each others bodies."

It's a blow to his ego, that you have not totally lost your head...he will experience a twinge of self doubt. This is intollerable to his pride. This makes him realize it takes MORE than that thing in his pants to impress you. A night in bed is not enough to get you eating out of his hand.

He will then redouble his efforts to win you over.

Waiting until Marriage to have Sex?

Don't tell them up front you're waiting for marriage. A lot of men will cut you off right there without getting to know you. And while there may be some benefit to weeding those men out immediatly, also consider that when you say:

"I'm waiting for marriage," What he HEARS is: "I want to marry YOU so badly I'm laying out a sexual trap."

He feels a net closing in. It's like proposing to him.

I don't think it's ever a good idea to bring up the word marriage, let alone admit to him you want to get married. Instead, when he starts pushing for sex give him some other reason that doesn't have to do with the big scary "M" word.

Like, "I just don't feel this relationship is serious enough." Let him figure out how to make things more serious. (By proposing.) The key is letting him think it's his idea. He doesn't want to feel as if he fell for a "no sex until marriage" trap.

"A good friend of mine would simply say 'I'm not sure' when her boyfriend asked. He knocked himself out to prove himself and finally proposed so she'd be sure."- Rose

Men will give you lots of "logical reasons" why he would never marry someone without sleeping with them first. Look him square in the eye and say: "I'll believe it when I hear you explain it to your own daughter."

If he talks of "trusting him" and being "willing taking a risk," tell him he has to prove it by putting a thousand dollars in a bank account under your name first. If he's the one to end the relationship, you get to keep it. That way the trust and the risk is mutual.

If he can't trust you with his money, why should you trust him with your body? I am joking of course...but you have to admit, it's not a bad idea.

Sexual Competition

A man once said to me: "I prefer it if the girl I'm seeing also has other men interested in her. It makes it more of a competition. That way, because I have her, it means I've won out over all those other guys. It means I'm the best. "

As women we find this concept very strange indeed. We are far happier knowing we have our man all to our self. We might rather leave than constantly fend off other women.

He, however, enjoys the contest of battling other men for your attention. Tune into the nature channel and observe male mammals. They are hard wired to fight for mating rights.

Every time another man casts his eye upon you he needs to know about it. This reinforces your value to him as a showpiece. It proves his status and manhood.

This never ends, by the way. Whether you're in your third week of dating or your thirtieth year of marriage.

Keep two male friends who are interested in you close at hand. It's easy to keep two male friends hanging around. Hope springs eternal in the human penis.

Keep your man outnumbered and you keep him on his toes. One other man interested in you isn't a big deal; and three will get out of hand. Two other men competing for your attention is the ideal number to keep your man convinced of his "best-ness."

The other bonus is that if your man slacks off in some important chore, you can call one of you male friends. They'll be glad to help out just to spend time with you. It's an important reminder to your man: If he doesn't take care of your needs, someone else will be happy to.

"When did you plan on cleaning those gutters?"
"I'll get around to it."
"Oh, it's okay honey, don't worry about it. Steve 's on his way."
"Steve? What'd you call him for?"
"I need the gutters cleaned."
"Damn it! I said I'd do it!"
"Yeah, but you have so much else to do, you're too busy."
"I'll do it right now! Call Steve and tell him not to come over."

He's worried about what other chores good 'ol Steve might be glad to take over.

Important: You must never, ever, threaten your husband or boyfriend with other men. I am not suggesting you cheat or even imply to him that you might cheat. There is a specific way to handle this.

When another man flirts with you, bat your eyelashes, blush, turn to your man and say one of the following phrases:

"I find it flattering."
"It's nice to know I've still got it."
"He doesn't mean anything by it."
“He’s just playing.”
"He's harmless."
“You’re over reacting.”

Pretend you're naive. As a man, he'll know damn well the other guy isn't just trying to be cute.

Another Tip

If you want a man, don't go after him directly; instead go after his nearest rival.

By rival I don't necessarily mean his enemy. Many men are fiercly competative with a close friend of theirs. Find out who his rival is, then act as if you're interested in him.

Tell your target guy how cool you think his rival is; praise his rival's many great attributes.

See how quickly he turns to correct you, when he informs you that HE, in fact is the BETTER [musician, athlete, whatever]

It works like a charm.

As soon as you have his attention, weigh them both back and forth, as if you can't decide. "Well, {Boy A} is the better kisser, but {Boy B} writes the more romantic love letters."

They'll be knocking themselves out trying to see which one can win the girl. I have had great fun with this technique.

Don't be a notch on his bed post.

Get a verbal contract that the two of you are an exclusive couple before having sex. This protects your health as well as your heart.

If a man has any respect for you at all, he will not juggle you with other women. And if you have any respect for yourself, you won't let him.

Don't play this game thinking you can win. The fact that you're even willing to consider it proves he has the upper hand.

As a wise women once said: When a man says "Let's be fair, we're not exclusive and we both can see other people." What he's REALLY saying is "Let me add you to the string of ladies I never intend to marry, so that I may have sex with all of you, UNTIL I find my dream girl and dump all of you to be exclusive with HER."

If he's still having sex with other women "He's just not that into you."

Drop him on his @rse.